Not As Sad As I Used To Be
by theoriginalmcgoo
Summary: Quinn Fabray returns to Lima three years later. AU from Heart onwards.


The door swings open. It's not that late, but few customers usually turn up at this time, so Rachel looks up in surprise. It's a girl, well, woman, not much older than her. Blonde, with large sunglasses over her eyes to protect them from the low evening sun. She's got a face that reminds Rachel of someone, she doesn't know who. The woman glances around, before sitting at a table alone.

"It's been a while." Rachel watches Quinn jump a little. She wasn't expecting it.

"Rachel." The name's tumbling from her lips as she takes off her sunglasses, unfamiliar, like it's been years since she's said it. It hurts Rachel a little more than it should.

"What brings you back?" Quinn shrugs, but doesn't answer. "Well then, can I get you anything?"

"A lemon iced tea would be lovely."

"You don't like lemon iced tea."

"What?"

"You never liked it."

"Yeah, well, like you said, it's been a while." Rachel nods mutely before walking off.

She returns, five minutes later with a cup in each hand and sets Quinn's in front of her before sliding into the seat opposite.

"So," Rachel takes a sip, "How've you been? Where have you been? Why didn't you even try to contact us?" Quinn shrugs again.

"Shouldn't you be working?"

"My shift ends in ten minutes. There's no one else here." Rachel gestured around. "And don't try to change the subject!" Quinn flinches a little at the anger in her voice, but doesn't answer the question.

"How are the glee kids?"

"You wouldn't know. Since you bailed on us just weeks before nationals. If you didn't want to be in glee, you could've at least come to support us, not disappear off the face of the planet!"

"I bet you were fantastic. Did you win?" It's unnerving to Rachel how Quinn seems to be having a completely different conversation to the one that's actually happening.

"Yes." Quinn's lips curl upwards in a sad smile.

"See? You didn't need me."

"That's not the point! Quinn, you vanished! If not for your mother reassuring us, we would have thought you were dead. You missed so much! Nationals, graduation, my wedding-"

"Oh yes, the wedding. How did that go?"

"Fine. No- Good. Yes. I've been happily married now for three years."

"And you're still in Lima?"

"Quinn, if you've come here to do this, then you can leave right now."

"No, you're right, I'm sorry. It's your life." The sad smile is back. Rachel pauses for a moment, calming down. It's been three years. The girl she spent so long trying to build up a friendship with is sitting across from her and all she can do is rehash the past.

"Really though, Quinn, where have you been?"

"New York. Yale. Like I told you all. I graduated last month."

"Wow." Rachel doesn't mean to sound shocked, but being stuck in Lima, going nowhere, sometimes you forget that people keep on living. Sometimes you forget that some people made the right choice and did something with their lives. "Do you still sing?"

"I used to. A couple of years ago. In bars, just to pay the rent."

"Why'd you stop?" Quinn shrugs again.

"You never answered my question. How are the glee kids?"

"Not kids anymore. Finn and I are still here in Lima, as you pointed out. So's Puck. Mike and Tina got married a few months ago, they're still in Ohio, somewhere. Brittany and Santana got engaged and moved to New York. I don't know where Kurt and Blaine have got to, but last I heard they had broken up again. They're on and off so much these days, it's hard to keep track." Quinn can't control her smile as she hears about the people she once called her friends. She's not sure if she can call them that anymore. "So, uh, do you have a boyfriend?"

"No." It's a simple answer, but there's a look in Quinn's eye that tells Rachel there's more to it than that.

Rachel tries again, "Why haven't you tried to contact any of us? Do we not matter anymore?" There's a moment, where she's sure that the conversation will turn sour, but it's gone when Quinn laughs.

"I left, Rachel. That's my life now. Nothing's sacred. I loved someone, but they had something better, so I moved on. I never fell in love with anyone ever again, but I've faked it this far and I can fake it a little further." She stands to leave, but is stopped by a hand on her wrist.

"Who was it, Quinn?" There's a depth to the look Rachel's giving her, and she feels something inside that she hasn't felt for a long time.

It's that feeling that forces her lips apart until she's breathing out, "You," barely more than a whisper. She closes her eyes waiting for the backlash. When nothing happens, she opens them again.

Rachel's standing now, still holding onto her. "I'm sorry. If you had told me that all of those years ago, then maybe I wouldn't have married Finn, but I love him. I'm sorry." She brought one hand up to cup Quinn's cheek. "I'm so, so, sorry." She pulled Quinn's face to hers and kissed her, gently, once, twice. The finality of the situation hit both girls harder than it should have for a 'goodbye until next time'. This was it. This was the last time.

"Tell me now," Rachel continued, forehead pressed against Quinn's, ignoring the tears on both of their cheeks, "How do you feel?"

Maybe it's the fact that the air's been cleared, or maybe that she can move on now, but there's nothing but honesty in Quinn's voice as she says, "I'm not as sad as I used to be.


End file.
